May you be blessed with a child who…
Defies you so you learn to release control,
With one who doesn’t listen
So you learn to tune in,
With one who procrastinates
So you learn the beauty of stillness,
With one who forgets things
So you learn to let go of attachments,
With one who is extra-sensitive
So you learn to be grounded,
With one who is inattentive,
So you learn to be focused,
With one who dares to rebel
So you learn to trust the universe,
And may you be blessed with a child
Who teaches you that it is never about them
And all about you.
As you read that, imagine all the times you saw your child behavior as a personal vendetta against you. Now read it again. We parents tend to fall into this mindset that our children are purposefully doing things to us out of spite, but in fact, it is us who are spiting our children for not releasing our own issues in order to parent our children. When we learn to step back and release our agendas and focus on the actual behavior itself, we are able to nurture the body’s natural response to situations. For instance, our toddler isn’t giving us a hard time by throwing a tantrum….they are having a hard time with their emotional control. Step back, read the situation, then step back in and empathize with your child, “I see you’re really frustrated because you can’t have that toy, can I offer you a hug?” or “wow, it looks like that made you really sad, do you want to talk about it?” By identifying what your child may be feeling takes you out of your head and into theirs.
So I challenge you, step back take a moment to get out of your head, and step back in with an agenda-less mind. Help, console, problem solve, be present. Oh and P.S. It’s not easy, so don’t be hard on yourself if you don’t master it the first couple of tries. You’ll evolve and watch how positively you child responds.