You might wonder, “is it normal for mom’s to miss their life before they had children?” The answer is, YES.
This forced notion of needing to be with your children 24/7 and being totally enthralled with the life you have with them, isn’t realistic.
You will find some women along the way who are like this. They may or may not be genuine about it. Because all too often, they’re keeping up a facade about motherhood.
Real, Raw, Motherhood is messy, exhausting, selfless and down right HARD! Yes, we chose to have our children, but who actually wants to be in the trenches of war every second of every day for the rest of their child’s time at home?
IT IS OK to miss your life before kids. Let’s all agree, it was much simpler, quieter, filled with self-care, and full of freedom. You aren’t a bad mom/dad for missing that! That makes you a genuine parent (in my opinion).
However, when you have these feelings of remorse, let’s look at the reason why. I would say about 90% of the time, when a parent misses pre-kids, it is because they have not been able to take care of themself. Meaning self-care is practiced little to non. Also, parents aren’t doing anything for themselves.
If everything you do revolves around the children, you lose your sense of self. Do something that brings you happiness. Like go on that hike WITHOUT your children with you. Take your spouse on a date, WITHOUT your children. Go see a movie, WITHOUT your children.
Space between children and parents isn’t a negative action. In fact, it actually is beneficial to your child(dren) because it teaches them that when you leave you’ll come back. It also shows them what healthy parenting looks like, to prevent them from burn out (ahem, where you are right now).
Our society around motherhood was designed to be able to point fingers at someone. Which is why, so often, mother’s feel scrutinized for EVERYTHING. Ie: you don’t love being a sahm, well you are a bad mom them. You go to work, you’re a bad mom then. Oh god you used formula instead of breastmilk, you’re a bad mom…..and the list goes on and on.
Hear me when I say, YOU ARE NOT A BAD MOM.
Your challenge for the day, go help a fellow mom out. Offer to watch the kids so they can do something for themselves. Tell a fellow mom she’s doing a great job. Pick up the bottle that fell out of the stroller because of the tantruming toddler. Anything. Just help.